It’s the late-night discussion that many couples juggling a growing family, stretched finances and long working hours will have – and a hot conversation point among new mums. If you’re a mother who wants to spend more time with your children, how can you afford to make the leap?
The number of stay-at-home mothers is at an all-time low of 1.5million – having halved from 2.9million 30 years ago, according to official figures.
High property prices and the rising cost of living has played its part. Four fifths of women – and three quarters of men – with children aged under five say they would like to spend more time with them, but cannot afford to, according to a survey by think tank Civitas.
The number of stay-at-home mothers is at an all-time low of 1.5million – having halved from 2.9million 30 years ago, according to official figures
£34,000 is the benchmark
The most obvious route to being a stay-at-home mother is to have a partner who brings in a reliable – and preferably high – income.
When staying at home with children, you are sacrificing one person’s wage. This means the earner will have to cover all crucial expenses such as housing, food, fuel, clothing and bills – in addition to any ‘nice-to-haves’ such as holidays, days out and activities.
The average UK household spends £530 a week (£27,500 a year), according to the latest official data from 2022, although the richest fifth of households spend £811.20 a week, while the poorest fifth spend less than half at £329.80 a week.
To meet the average cost of £27,500 a year, you’d need to earn a pre-tax salary of at least £34,000. However, where you live will play a huge part in how affordable this is. A household salary of £34,000 will go much further in the north east, for example, compared with London and the south east where housing costs are higher.
Stay at home and save £20,000 per child
Many stay-at-home parents of young children say the high cost of childcare caused them to stop working. The UK average cost of a full-time nursery place for a child under two is £14,501 a year, says the children charity Coram’s annual Childcare Survey 2024. But in London and the south east the price is comes in above £20,000.
Some parents say it does not make financial sense to work and pay for childcare, especially if you are paying for multiple children or are factoring in commuting costs.
Lucy Edmonds, 40, ran a business for 12 years before giving it up to spend more time with her children, aged 5 and 11 months, thanks to her partner’s income.
Lucy owned a stationery shop in Marylebone, London, and also did calligraphy commissions for clients from a studio on-site. She closed the business four years ago after having her first child, because she found it difficult to work while taking care of a young baby, although is now thinking about returning to work.
‘The reason for being able to stay at home is primarily because of the privilege of having a partner who earns enough for me not to worry about when I go back to work. He works in financial services. But it has been a really big mental adjustment for me because I was very used to making my own money. We view the income as a joint effort as I’m a full-time child carer, and that has its own value,’ says Lucy.
Tax system penalises single-income families
Be aware that the UK tax system does not favour single-earner families. In the UK, every adult is taxed individually and each person gets a personal allowance of £12,570 before you start paying tax.
Someone on a salary of £45,000, paying 5 pc of their salary into a pension (the minimum required for employees), would take home £34,369 a year after tax or £2,864 a month.
With two people earning a total of £45,000 – perhaps with one earning £20,000 and the other earning £25,000 – the total take home pay would be £38,138 a year after tax and pension contributions, or £3,178 a month. So that’s an extra £314 a month if the income comes from two people rather than one.
Once you earn above £100,000 you start losing the personal allowance and it is completely withdrawn once your earnings hit £125,000.
A single earner on £130,000 would have take-home pay of £79,476 a year after tax and 5pc pension contributions, or £6,623 a month.
A couple on a combined income of £130,000 – perhaps with one earning £50,000 and the other earning £80,000 – would take home a combined £93,406 annually or £7,783 monthly – an increase of £1,161 a month compared to a single earner.
Stay at home side-hustle – earn £13,570
Many stay-at-home parents will have some form of ‘side hustle’ or small jobs to bring in some extra cash, whether it’s selling clothes on platforms such as Vinted, taking part in online surveys, entering competitions or selling handmade or personalised items. These are possible to do in the evenings or potentially even around small children.
You can earn up to £12,570 a year without having to pay any tax. There is also a further £1,000 ‘trading allowance’, which means you could earn £13,570 tax-free.
Salary above £50,000? You may still be eligible for benefits
Millions of people miss out on money available to them in benefits, says the charity Turn2us.
You may be entitled to benefits such as universal credit even if you have a generous household income. Families with two children can be eligible for universal credit even on earnings above £50,000, if they rent and need formal childcare.
What does that mean?
The Turn2us benefits calculator can help you see whether you are eligible for universal credit, help towards childcare costs, and other benefits including carer’s allowance and council tax support.
Retain your pension pot
If you are married, assets such as pension money may be split equally in the event of a divorce
Parents who choose to stay at home and not work should ensure they retain access to the state pension. You do this by registering for child benefit in the name of the non-working parent.
You should register for child benefit even if the working parent earns more than £80,000, the threshold at which child benefit is lost. This will entitle you to the valuable national insurance credits that count towards your state pension.
You may also want to protect yourself in future by asking your working partner to pay into a pension for you. This is especially important if you are not married.
If you are married, assets such as pension money may be split equally in the event of a divorce. However, you should still consider asking your partner to pay into your pension as there are never any guarantees of access to pensions or savings should you divorce.
But you may also want to consider whether it makes sense from a tax perspective. It may work out better for a high earner to pay into their own pension instead as they benefit from higher tax relief.
Take out life insurance
It is crucial the stay-at-home parent is fully invested in how the family finances are managed. This will help you be fully aware of the financial situation of your family, particularly if you later separate or your partner loses their job or becomes unwell.
Alice Haine, personal finance analyst at Evelyn Partners, says a major priority for a family with a stay-at-home parent is to consider life insurance and even critical illness cover for both individuals through a joint policy.
If the main breadwinner gets seriously ill or dies, the stay-at-home parent will need instant cash to get them through those difficult first few months and give them time to consider going back to work to support the family. If a stay-at-home parent becomes unwell or dies, the worker will need funds to cover time away from work to grieve and look after their family while they organise childcare.
An alternative to consider can be family income benefit, a special type of life insurance policy where a loved one is paid a regular income for a set period to replace a lost income, adds Alice.
The financial risk of being a stay-at-home mum
Mothers experience a 60 pc drop in earnings compared to fathers in the decade following the birth of a first child, according to a report on the ‘motherhood penalty’ by consultancy PwC, and may find it harder to progress in their careers in future. Meanwhile a woman’s pension pot is typically 35 pc smaller than a man’s at age 55, at just under £100,000 vs almost £150,000.
If the relationship breaks down, you will be financially vulnerable if you are not working. Even in cases of a divorce where there is a high earner, a settlement can take a long time to finalise and you’ll need to be able to manage financially in that time.
Kim Uzzell, a wealth manager and financial coach, says women should think about what will happen in the worst-case scenario and plan for how they would support themselves.
‘Having an income of our own, a savings pot that we’ve been adding even small amounts into over time, and a plan for every chapter of life will all help. Family responsibilities should be taken seriously and earnings from the working parent should be viewed as household income,’ she adds.
We lost my £35K a year but we cut back on luxuries
Anna Salisbury, 36, from Suffolk, left a career in frontline social work to become a stay-at-home mother to her two children, now 8 and 5, from 2014 to 2021.
‘It was always the plan that I would stay at home if we were fortunate enough to have children, as I didn’t want to put them into nursery – especially after what I’d seen as a social worker. Also my job just wasn’t flexible enough around children and we didn’t have family nearby that could help us with childcare,’ says Anna.
They lived off her husband Mark’s income, an automation engineer who earned around £40,000 to £45,000 a year during that time. Anna says this was a good income but she had been earning £35,000 a year as a social worker, so their household income dropped significantly. They cut back on takeaways, holidays and budgeted using spreadsheets to make it work, buying reduced meat and swapping named brands for cheaper alternatives.
Anna began thinking about going back to work when her youngest turned two. She retrained and is now a virtual assistant working around 35 hours a month and bringing in £1,000 to £1,200 a month. This covers all the children’s clubs and activities and money for treats.
‘We can afford more of the luxuries we couldn’t in the early days. It’s a lot of pressure for one person to meet all the bills, especially because our mortgage has just gone up. Now I’m working, I can bring more into the household,’ says Anna.
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