My husband (then boyfriend) and I had so many money conversations before moving in together. We talked savings goals, long-term plans, living within our means—all the responsible stuff you’re supposed to cover before combining lives and bank accounts. And then we actually started living together… and realized we had very different definitions of “fun spending.” One of us tended to use any leftover money on Sephora restocks, new clothes, and the occasional manicure (no naming names). The other could happily go weeks without buying anything beyond the occasional lunch out or tickets to a game. To say our discretionary spending was unequal would be the understatement of the year.
For a while, our “whatever’s left over is fair game” system technically worked. We hit our savings goals, built an emergency fund, and even saved for a down payment on a house. But every time we sat down to pay bills or do a bi-weekly finance check-in, I felt a little weird justifying every purchase I made, even though my partner didn’t really care. And I knew that wasn’t the financial energy I wanted in our relationship long-term. So, one night after our usual Sunday money chat, I pitched an idea: what if we adopted an allowance system? We would each get an allowance of “fun money” deposited into separate spending accounts, and each month, we could spend freely and manage it however we wanted. My husband was on board.
That was five years ago. I can confidently say that this change immediately helped with my feelings of guilt, which was a win, but more than that, it overhauled a part of my marriage that I didn’t even know needed it. Needless to say, we’re not looking back. Here’s how our adult allowance system works, how it benefited our marriage, and how to implement it after deciding whether it’s right for you.
How our allowance system works
After going over the logistics of our finances and how we could realistically make this work for us, we decided that at the start of each month, we’d automatically split what we usually had leftover after paying our bills and moving money into our savings. The rule was simple: once the money was in our personal accounts, how it was spent didn’t need to be explained, tracked, or justified. It could be used, saved, or left to accumulate, however we saw fit. While the dollar amounts have ebbed and flowed over the years, we’ve been able to happily stick to this system.
As much as I’d love to take credit for this idea, I learned after-the-fact that we’re not the only ones who’ve discovered the benefits of adult allowances. Plenty of adults and couples alike use this system, or their own personalized version of it, to manage their spending and meet their financial goals. And that’s the best part about it. Your allowance system can work however you want it to, with however much money you decide to allocate to it.
How individual allowances have benefitted our marriage
Based on my own experience and reading about so many others who love to implement an adult allowance system, too, I’ve recommended it to more friends than I can count. It’s become one of the best relationship-and-finance combo upgrades my husband and I have ever made. Here’s why:
It increased our financial autonomy
The biggest win? No more shaming, side-eyeing, or unspoken resentment around spending. We check in occasionally to make sure the allowance amount still makes sense alongside our goals, but beyond that, what we spend is our business. If I want to buy $200 Lululemon leggings, that’s between me and my card. And I don’t need to know how much he spent on concert tickets that I personally consider…unhinged. Win-win for everyone.
It drastically reduced money arguments
Occasional money fights are common in most relationships, and we were no exception. Before implementing an adult allowance system, small spending disagreements had a way of spiraling into bigger ones, because money arguments are rarely just about money. They turn into who contributes more, who’s more responsible, who ordered takeout again because they didn’t have the energy to cook the food we already had.
“With our new allowances, line-by-line money debates and spirals practically disappeared. And with them? A whole category of unnecessary tension”
With our new allowances, line-by-line money debates, and spirals practically disappeared. And with them? A whole category of unnecessary tension. While we still have the odd disagreement over finances (we’re human, after all!), it’s now usually over how much to set aside for a specific goal or a misalignment on saving timelines rather than a fight over $35 worth of takeout coffee.
It made us way more mindful about spending
When you know you have a set amount of “fun money,” every purchase comes with a quick mental math moment. Do I want this $80 impulse buy right now? Would I rather save that for something bigger later in the month? Oddly enough, having permission to spend freely made me spend less overall. It turned mindless swiping into more intentional decision-making and helped to reduce regret purchases.
It helps avoid miscommunication
Before trying the allowance system, my default assumption was that leftover money was always available (and mine) because my husband probably hadn’t spent much. Except sometimes, he had. And then we’d realize too late that we needed to pull from savings to cover our accidental double-dipping. Cue frustration. This system removed the guesswork entirely. No more “Hey, have you bought anything recently I should know about?” texts before making a purchase. No more awkward financial detective work required to figure out what went where. I now know what’s mine, and he knows what’s his.
We got more aligned on our bigger goals
At one point, we viewed every extra dollar as something that should go toward savings. And while that mindset can work temporarily, it gets exhausting fast. It also makes every coffee or Uber Eats order feel like it’s standing between you and your dream vacation. With allowances, we flipped the order: First, we map out savings goals. Then we cover bills. Then we decide what’s realistic for personal spending. That way, we’re still building toward the future and enjoying the present—without guilt baked into every purchase.
READ: People Are Becoming Addicted to Saving Money—And Experts Are Worried
It forced us to define what “fun spending” actually means
This was surprisingly important: we had to decide what counts as adult allowance spending and what doesn’t. Basic toiletries? Household essentials? Random grocery stock-ups in between bigger orders? Those don’t count as “fun” money. A fancy body wash I was influenced to buy at midnight, or another candle haul from Target? Definitely fun money. We also built in some shared lifestyle spending. For example, a few dinners out per month come from our joint account, but we agreed that anything beyond that comes from personal allowances. Having clearer categories has made it so much easier to spot where our money is really going and tweak things before it gets out of hand.
It made me feel more empowered
Even in a healthy relationship, there’s something uncomfortable about feeling like you have to justify personal purchases. My husband has always been supportive, but I still found myself hesitating before admitting I bought something unnecessary or simply indulgent. Not because I thought spending money on myself was wrong (I’m a hardworking gal!), but because I didn’t love itemizing every purchase or mentally justifying why I needed a $110 moisturizer.
“This system has helped us spend more intentionally, argue less, feel more autonomous, and stay aligned on the goals that actually matter.”
The adult allowance system removed that dynamic completely. Now, I can spend within my allowance confidently, without guilt or explanation. We still have the financial transparency that we always strived for. And bigger purchases still get discussed together, as they should. It’s independence and partnership, all at once.
How to implement the adult allowance system in 3 steps
If you’re intrigued by the idea of having personal spending money that doesn’t require a regular debrief, here’s how to set it up without overcomplicating things:
1. Pick your monthly number (and start smaller than you think)
Look at what you realistically have left after bills, savings, and shared expenses, as well as what you normally spend on non-essentials like clothes, entertainment, and activities. Once you’ve got that sorted, start by putting aside an agreed-upon amount per person to test out the system. You can always increase or decrease it later if needed.
2. Open two separate “fun money” accounts
Open basic accounts and get separate cards. This keeps discretionary spending clearly divided from joint money. The goal is simple: personal spending stays personal.
3. Define what counts as allowance spending
Spend one evening going over your past few months of spending and agreeing on the parameters: Are coffees included? Clothes you need for work versus ones you just want for fun? Getting aligned early avoids the “wait, I thought that came from the joint account” confusion later. This would happen to us over things like non-optional lunches out with colleagues, or a random Uber home after an event when we could have taken transit. I call these “grey zone” purchases. I’ve learned that it’s better to check in with your partner first rather than decide on your own where the funds are coming from. This keeps you both accountable and clarifies boundaries.
Should you adopt an allowance system?
If you’re trying to figure out how to manage discretionary spending as a couple, I cannot recommend the adult allowance system enough. It’s helped us spend more intentionally, argue less, feel more autonomous, and stay aligned on the goals that actually matter. However, it’s worth calling out that the adult allowance system, like any financial system, won’t be the right fit for everyone. It may not work as well if your income fluctuates significantly month to month, your budget is extremely tight, or you’re still working toward a solid financial foundation as a couple. That being said, once you’ve got the big financial pieces in place, sometimes a little personal spending freedom is exactly what keeps both your budget—and your relationship—running smoothly.
Devin Cleary Gooden, Contributing Finance Writer
Devin is a Toronto-based content creator and marketer with 10 years of experience writing about finance and career tips for women. She is passionate about helping women understand finances so they can create the life they want to have, whatever that may look like. She is currently a senior manager of content at a fintech company, where she works on websites, emails, social media, videos, and podcasts.
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