Being able to articulate and navigate our emotions isn’t just encouraged anymore, it’s expected. Conversations about emotional intelligence, attachment styles, and communication patterns have become part of our everyday vocabulary in a way they weren’t a decade ago. As our awareness around healthy relationships expands, so does the depth and quality of our connections.
Our collective relationship IQ shifted when Gary Chapman introduced the five love languages in his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts. Quality time, Acts of Service, Words of Affirmation, Gift Giving, and Physical Touch gradually became etched into our cultural lexicon. Later, an eharmony study expanded the conversation with two additional languages: Emotional Security and Shared Experiences. And now? The list is growing again.
In a recent piece, The New York Times interviewed relationship experts who proposed even more “unofficial” love languages we didn’t know we needed until now: Accommodating Your Artifacts, Maintaining “Tiny Cultures,” Remembering Your Quirks, Goofing Around, and Emotional Safety.
With an ever-expanding vocabulary of love, we’re reminded of something important: Everyone brings different experiences, values, and preferences in romantic partnerships. Identifying and naming these nuances doesn’t make love complex; it helps clarify and refine it. Ahead, we’re exploring what these new love languages mean, signs that you might resonate with them, and why defining more love languages really does enhance our relationships.
What are the 5 unofficial love languages?
Accommodating Your Artifacts
When we enter relationships, we don’t come alone—we bring our histories with us. The photos, books, heirlooms, routines, and random keepsakes we’ve collected over the years aren’t just “stuff”; rather, they represent our memories and identities. When someone respects and honors these parts of us (even when they may not completely understand why certain things are sentimental), it sets a passive partner apart from a truly loving one.
Accommodating Your Artifacts looks like respecting and making space for the objects and routines that matter to your partner. This can look like helping to find the perfect place to display a framed childhood photo, clearing closet space for a wardrobe you inherited from your grandparents, or adjusting shared living habits to accommodate the routine that makes you feel grounded.
Signs that Accommodating Your Artifacts could be your love language:
- You’re sentimental about objects and the stories behind them.
- It means a lot when someone makes physical space for your things.
- You feel hurt when your partner dismisses something you care about as “just stuff.”
- You notice when someone respects your routines or environmental preferences.
- Moving in together feels emotional because it means blending identities.
Maintaining “Tiny Cultures”
“Tiny cultures” are the micro-traditions, inside jokes, and rituals that exist only within your relationship. Think of them as the small, repeated moments that turn your separate worlds into a shared one. Over time, these rituals can become emotional anchors that signal commitment, create a sense of home, and communicate love in a way that feels intimate and exclusive to both of you.
These traditions don’t have to be over the top: They can be grabbing pastries from the same bakery on Saturday mornings (a personal favorite), making up an anniversary to celebrate something special, watching a specific movie when one of you is sick, or using a nickname no one else knows.
Signs that Maintaining “Tiny Cultures” could be your love language:
- You cherish inside jokes more than public displays of affection.
- You love having rituals that are “just yours” as a couple.
- You reference shared memories constantly.
- You feel off-balance when regular routines are disrupted.
- You measure closeness by how many shared references you have.
“With an ever-expanding vocabulary of love, we’re reminded of something important: Everyone brings different experiences, values, and preferences in romantic partnerships.”
Remembering Your Quirks
The core of this love language is attentiveness. People who resonate with this love language are those who feel seen when someone notices and remembers an oddly specific habit, preference, or personality trait. This is because it shows that someone not only listens but also adores them for their individuality.
In action, this looks like your partner ordering your comfort meal on a hard day without you having to ask. It’s them remembering that you get quiet when you’re overwhelmed. Or it’s remembering the specific reason why you insist on rewatching the same comfort show every fall.
Signs that Remembering Your Quirks could be your love language:
- You feel deeply cared for when someone remembers small details.
- You notice when someone forgets something you’ve shared before.
- You feel safest with someone who anticipates your needs.
- You pay attention to small behavioral patterns in others, too.
- Being “understood without explaining” is your ideal form of intimacy.
Goofing Around
Goofing around is all about shared humor, silliness, and lightness. This love language manifests in a variety of ways, such as dancing in the kitchen while making dinner, deciding to pull a harmless prank, or sending funny memes mid-workday.
Sometimes relationships can feel like a series of logistics (i.e., calendars to coordinate, bills to split, responsibilities to manage). Laughter is what keeps the connection from feeling transactional for people with this love language. Being able to goof around with a significant other can also bring a deep level of comfort. People who view goofiness as a sign of love feel that they can be authentically themselves without fear of judgment.
Signs that Goofing Around could be your love language:
- Humor is how you bond most quickly with someone.
- You flirt through teasing and playful banter.
- You feel closest to your partner when you’re laughing together.
- Seriousness for too long makes you feel disconnected.
- You’re energized when your partner initiates spontaneous, playful moments.
Emotional Safety
Emotional safety overlaps slightly with Emotional Security, which was previously defined as a love language by eharmony, but they are definitely different. While Emotional Security focuses on feeling seen and supported when you open up, Emotional Safety is about consistency and predictability. In other words, Emotional Security is about how your partner responds to your vulnerability; Emotional Safety is about the overall climate of the relationship (the steadiness, predictability, and sense you’re not walking on eggshells).
People with Emotional Safety as their love language feel loved when they don’t have to guess who they’re getting from day to day. Even during disagreements, there’s a steadiness that assures them that they are emotionally safe. For example, you feel loved knowing that if you come home upset, your partner won’t overreact, ignore you, or blow up. Instead, they’ll respond calmly and predictably. This love language can especially resonate with those who grew up in chaotic environments or who’ve had inconsistent relationships in the past. Rather than constantly being on edge, they have a sense of stability, trust, and calmness—all qualities that make them feel cared for and support their definition of love.
Signs that Emotional Safety could be your love language:
- You feel anxious when someone’s mood shifts unpredictably.
- Consistency means more to you than grand romantic gestures.
- You pay close attention to tone changes during conflict.
- You shut down quickly if you feel mocked, dismissed, or minimized.
- You relax deeply around partners who respond steadily instead of reactively.
“It would be a mistake to view love languages as strict rules we have to force onto our relationships. It’s better to view them as tools that better equip us to build relationships that feel personal, secure, playful, and uniquely ours.”
How understanding unofficial love languages supports healthy relationships
The reality is that most of us won’t fit neatly into just one love language, especially because the list is continuously growing. You might value Quality Time yet also feel loved when your partner knows you prefer the window seat without having to ask (Remembering Your Quirks), or you may resonate with Words of Affirmation but also crave the lightness of Goofing Around.
These unofficial love languages don’t replace the original five. Like the additional two love languages (Emotional Security and Shared Experiences), they provide nuance instead. They bring to the surface the subtler ways love can manifest, and understanding them gives you vocabulary that improves communication in your relationships. For instance, instead of saying “I just feel off,” you can say, “It means a lot when you remember small details about me,” or “I appreciate when you’re consistent.”
Let me give you a personal example: There was a point in my relationship when my partner didn’t realize how much I valued our Saturday ritual of going to the local bakery for coca de sal (a bread you have to try at least once in your life). One weekend, it didn’t happen, and I was uneasy about it. But instead of brushing it off or letting it fester into resentment, I was able to recognize that Maintaining “Tiny Cultures” is one of the ways I feel loved. Once I communicated this, he understood and adjusted, and we haven’t missed a bakery run since.
It would be a mistake to view love languages as strict rules we have to force onto our relationships. It’s better to view them as tools that better equip us to build relationships that feel personal, secure, playful, and uniquely ours. Because understanding how you love (and how you want to be loved) is how you build something that actually feels like home.
Aaliyah Alexander, Contributing Writer
Aaliyah is a writer, content creator, and blogger based in Brandon, Mississippi. She attended San Diego State University where she received a degree in journalism and worked as an editor for the award-winning student newspaper, The Daily Aztec. Aaliyah covers a range of topics including slow living, her favorite vegan food spots, minimalism, self-growth, and entertainment.
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