She commented that she often felt trapped in the marriage and never felt as though she had a way out. Although she would often have fantasies about a world that she would “finally feel free and happy” in, she knew it wouldn’t happen while she resided at the mansion. Because of that, the model and TV personality would often push these negative feelings and instincts to the back of her mind.

She expanded, “I remember being 21 and walking up the stairs to Hef’s bedroom after a party and something inside me is telling me, ‘This is weird.’ But I’m like, ‘OK, let’s just push that down, let’s not listen—and let’s just go!’”

Hefner, unfortunately, made this beauty feel as though she wasn’t good enough and would place unrealistic aesthetic demands on her. She admitted that she changed everything about herself, and although beauty is completely subjective, she only tried to fit most of what Hugh saw as beautiful.